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A Letter from Ghosts Who Are Offended by the Term “Ghosting”

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Ghosts Have Feelings Too, You Know

This is a dramatic interpretation of a ghost with a cell phone because ghosts, of course, are invisible.

We, the dearly departed, of no bodies but able spirits, who haunt your houses and make things go bump in the night, hereby order you to CEASE and DESIST.

Please stop using the term “ghosting” to refer to that thing you do when you have a personal encounter with another living person and then suddenly, without warning or explanation, terminate all contact and communication with said person. It’s a real dick move and, honestly, you’re defaming our character by using that term to describe your behavior.

Listen, we get it. We see the parallels. We were here but then we vanished. We were a blast to hang out but now we don’t call. But you know what ghosts don’t do? Abandon people. That’s right; even in the afterlife we’re with you day and night, creeping around your hallways, giving you that eerie feeling that you’re not alone. Does it sound a little stalker-ish? Maybe. Probably. Okay, yes.

But the point is: IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF THE BEHAVIOR YOU ARE USING THE TERM “GHOSTING” TO DESCRIBE.

Oh, and you know what else? Ghosts are scary! Trust us, we’re experts. We see that look on your face when we brush up against your arm and give you goosebumps. But ask yourself this: When you “ghost” someone, aren’t you the one who’s afraid of something? Confrontation? Commitment? Using your phone for something other than swiping right or taking a selfie?

We understand that some of you who use this term are the “ghosted,” not the “ghosts.” We sympathize with you — really, we do. But perhaps there are other nominalizations you could consider? What about Bermuda Triangled? Houdinied? Amelia Earharted? (What, too soon?)

Look, just because we’re ghosts doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings anymore. We do, and we’d really like for you all to respect them. While you’re at it, maybe also respect one another and don’t leave someone wondering where the hell you went and why. At least send a text: “It’s not you it’s me” or “thank you but I’m no longer interested in your company” or “this was great but I’m moving to Missouri to pursue my passion for alpaca farming.”

Whatever you choose to say just be sure to tie up those loose ends like an Army ranger ties a fisherman’s knot!

Bottom line: we are SICK and TIRED of our name being tarnished by your rude and inconsiderate behavior. We don’t call people anymore because we’re dead and our invisible hands are incapable of holding phones. You don’t call because you’re a scaredy cat. (Sorry, cats. Get your own class action lawsuit!)

https://medium.com/media/74e4e3a10ec5b2bc836028dccda2b01b/href

So think of this as us doing you a favor and giving you a chance to reflect not only on word choice but also your behavior. We ain’t afraid of no ghosts — but your potential mates are! And if you keep “ghosting” people, we ghosts will be the only ones going “bump” in the night.

Sincerely,

Ghosts Have Feelings Too, Inc.

Kristen Timko is a writer and improviser who specializes in whimsical nonsense and tomfoolery. She lives in Washington, D.C. Follow her on Twitter @TiaGato44 and at www.KristenWritesComedy.com.


A Letter from Ghosts Who Are Offended by the Term “Ghosting” was originally published in The Belladonna Comedy on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.



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