To The Overactive Arm Swingers Terrorizing Our Sidewalks
I do know you felt it. I certain did. How might you not?
The second that may alter the course of my day, and perpetually hang-out my years was introduced upon by your recklessness. Your carelessness. Your selfishness.
On the summit of your backswing, it occurred.
You hit my dick.
Don’t blame gravity or momentum.
It was you.
You along with your posh angle and aptitude for stylish strolling. You along with your brazen disregard for the group round you, for the residents of this earth that share the identical sidewalks you shame along with your presence.
Have you learnt what you’ve accomplished? Do you even care?
My balls have been bashed, my sausage smashed. It’s I that has to hold on, for if I had been to drop to my knees or plead for aid, they’d point out and query my deafening grief.
Nobody must swing his or her arms in such a way. You aren’t an Olympic sprinter. Nor are you a softball pitcher or a volleyball hitter.
You aren’t marching in a semi-annual army parade to commemorate our nice chief’s humility.
You search to strike the clouds and convey again your limbs as should you’re reaching for the Solar. However we’re simply sons, with moms who pester us about having children sometime.
Your arms are perilous pendulums, wrecking balls set for demolition of erected monuments.
And your ilk. All the identical.
It’s not simply our fronts that face this hazard. Not even our rear ends are protected. Our backsides have been slapped proper and left. And but, you all act as if our bottoms don’t deserve top-notch care.
Our butts deserve the area assured to us by the Structure.
How lengthy till you strike an harmless individual within the kidney? I’ve seen many a fighter despatched crumbling to the mat from this unlucky act.
What if youngsters are current? Have you ever considered them? I dare say not! You could possibly knock out a tooth or poke out a watch. Will you be there to take care of the fallout when Patricia the Pirate is bullied mercilessly every single day?
No, you’ve got locations to stroll dramatically.
Consider the harmless packages on the market that lengthy to be touched by a particular love, or some random individual in a bar restroom. Six months of no motion deserves a correct fondling, not a wayward backhand outdoors the campus library.
Think about the devastating destruction you’d result in should you had been holding the essay you knocked out at three A.M. I shudder to image the injury to the unlucky arms that brush by, the uncovered midriffs of younger ladies but to expertise their freshmen fifteen.
Do they not need to arrive late to class, free from the concern of painful paper cuts?
To you sinister saboteurs, you speeding rapscallions we are saying no extra! To thee, we decree no extra dick hits and butt brushes!
Too lengthy have our protests been swatted away by the fragile arms of an econ main.
We name upon Congress to place a cease to this scourge of scoundrels scarring our sidewalk strollers. If not, we must take issues into our personal arms.
If you happen to diddle with my derriere, yours shall be met with a fist of livid power.
A watch for a watch, tooth for a tooth, junk jab for junk jab.
Spare us out of your tyranny. Have some decency.
Placed on a pair of handcuffs once you stroll the streets. And never the kinky ones so you’ll be able to play it off as some fraternity or sorority prank.
Shackle yourselves in order that others could also be free.