Emmy Brett

Tips to Survive Without Breaking the Billy Graham Rule

Oh no! You scheduled a nice, conventional business dinner with someone you thought was a perfectly normal, un-tempting male colleague but now that they’ve actually showed up, you’re shocked to discover your guest is a female.

What will you do? Will you make it out alive? How will you navigate these murky moral waters without igniting a scandal to destroy your career, as it has for so many men before you?

Check out our handy list of tips to help you avoid scandal, dodge temptation, and keep your eyes where they should be — firmly focused two inches above her head.

-Ask the waiter to sit down and join you.

-Ask one of your fellow diners to sit down and join you.

-Pelt her with sugar packets until she leaves voluntarily.

-Draw a man’s face onto a napkin and have her hold it up in front of her face the entire time.

-Ask for the head chef to come to the table and then keep him from leaving by asking about all the allergens you can think of until she’s done eating.

-Facetime your wife into the discussion. Maybe pull up an extra seat and prop the phone up there. She can even order a meal. Whatever it takes to convey the reality that you. Are. Not. Available.

-Refuse to sit and eat your whole meal standing so you can flee if you feel tempted at any given moment.

-Excuse yourself to the restroom and don’t come back til after dessert is served.

-Ask for their longest table and then seat her on the opposite end to maintain maximum distance.

-Use the little candle in the middle of the table to light your napkin on fire so the smoke alarm goes off and everyone has to leave.

-Use the free bread sticks to build a wall between your side of the table and hers.

-Eat the entire meal with your eyes closed. If possible, also have the waiter tie your hands behind your back with a napkin

-Drown out anything she might have to say by loudly reciting the beatitudes whenever she tries to speak.

-Pull the tablecloth over your head and refuse to come out until the meal is finished.

-Hit your head firmly on the table until you come to your senses and then have dinner with her like a normal human being who doesn’t reduce their colleagues by excluding them on the basis of gender.

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