So how do you start a review on a rambling road movie? You know, your quintessentially American good ol’ fashioned waste of 2 hours. Guess you start with a rambling beginning.
In the beginning there was a racist. His name was Viggo. He had a really shitty Italian American accent and a pot belly. And he once ate 26 hot-dogs in order to pay off the rent. He’s married to this girl who’s only about ten levels too good for him. What a guy.
Our handsome racist is looking for a job and gets offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to drive Doc Black Guy From Moonlight and True Detective Season 3 to his gigs.
Oh, I see what you did there Hollywood! You’ve only gone and paired a white racist with a…a….black…man! Incredible stuff.
Some personal highlights:
When both our heroes threw chicken bones out the car and onto the highway.
When the whole thing ended, and I could go to bed.
Imagine if real life had a soppy little tune in the background to encourage everyone to feel. Now imagine the soundtrack to Green Book and any Hollywood agenda-pushing biopic.
But I mentioned a road trip didn’t I. You know how it goes already. They hate each other, then shit happens, then they love each other. And become incredibly wise. Oh and Doc turns out to be gay, because yeah why not throw that in. And drinks a lot too. Poor fella.
But what about the plot? What plot, it’s just a bunch of random scenes chucked together in a desperate attempt to pull at whatever slither of humanity I have left (not a lot believe you me, nothing in fact). They go from New Yolk to the South or somewhere, Kentucky especially for the KFC etc etc and they have all sorts of adventures that I can’t recall. It’s a Wonderful Life for 21st Century Morons, you could call it.
It’s not that bad, it’s kind of watchable with a large bottle of depression by your side, but if you have something better to do, like rewriting Ulysses in Chinese on the back of a used napkin while dancing in the nude, then I’d recommend you do that instead.
Spoiler: Racist guy is slightly less racist by the end while the posh black guy understands the plight of the common black man.