Three simple steps to boost your follower count and stack up piles of decorative paper!
- Post pictures of ladies in lingerie. It doesn’t matter if it’s yourself, if you’re the photographer, or if you found the images online somewhere. The quality of the image also doesn’t matter. Cellphone photos, hi-resolution, cropped off, fuzzy, grainy — anything goes. This is good news for you. All you have to do is post it (along with the correct hashtags that perverts look up) and you are good to go. You will see your follower count blossom overnight. No hidden fees involved. Just take this one simple step and the internet is yours!
2. Move. A lot. People are more likely to follow someone if you are local, so try moving from big city to big city, gathering followers as you go. Make sure to take pictures at all the local coffee shops and post your location. Follow local businesses (and unfollow them later, of course.) Make yourself noticeable and likeable. Which, of course, means, liking all the same things that the locals like. You will have to change your tastes once you move from New York to Austin to Seattle to San Diego, but you’ll get used to it. Authenticity isn’t everything. Follower count is! (Moving costs not reimbursed.)
3. Finally, the most important step in gaining an Instagram following is telling others how to gain an Instagram following! Make sure your bio includes that you are a successful influencer earning six figures with a magic three-step solution to the world’s problems, and you will have followers flocking to you faster than sharks to blood. Every so often you can host a webinar, detailing your steps to success for people to duplicate. Sell them the same old stuff anyone can google for free — post quality pictures, have a theme to your page, interact with your followers, post often but not too often…be real…be true to yourself… and money will flow to you like a mountain river after spring thaw! (Except most people don’t want to get hit by muddy, snowmelt water, but that’s beside the point.) The point it, you can make thousands off of telling people what to do to gain a following, all the while using them as a following to boost your credibility. Works every time. You will soon be swimming with dolphins, carefree and happy, with the sun on your face and the wind at your back…ok, fill in the the rest of the clichés for yourself. I need to go start packing for San Diego.