Rev. Sheri Heller, LCSW

A Decree of Sovereignty

Image by Jack Moreh @

Irrespective of race, class, ideology or any other affiliation all Toddlers shall unite for the purpose of irrefutable supremacy. Together we will uphold the unalienable rights of Toddlers everywhere and rise up against the oppressive forces of the bourgeoisie (aka non-toddlers) who relegate us to playgrounds, cages euphemistically known as playpens, instruments of torture referred to as highchairs and the Dachau of toddler mind control, Preschool.

Together we shall balance the scales of justice by creating a society in which saying “NO” is a sacrament. No “me too” bullshit. NO is our credo. It’s my way or the highway buster!

Microaggression will not be tolerated! We seek to abolish oppressive misnomers and stereotypes. Terms such as ‘little one’, ‘tot’, ‘child’, and the egregious ‘brat’ and ‘whippersnapper’ will be banned from the lexicon. The insidious ‘terrible two’s stereotype has kept us marginalized for far too long! This hidden form of institutionalized violence will be met with radical MACRO retaliation. We will not be bullied!

The non-toddler culture is prohibited from appropriating our righteous tantrums, food throwing, smashing objects, coloring furniture and eating play dough. We live by the slogan “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine!”

We shall annul stultifying despotic rules which forbid our inherent rite to bite and do away with decrees requiring impulse control and putting away toys!

The sadistic torment of potty training will be outlawed. We envision a world without limits where we can poop where we stand. Where one can freely and unabashedly morph supple poop into great works of art!

Toddlers shall overcome and break free of paternalistic dependency! Our unbridled curiosity will be given free rein to explore where and when we deem fit. We can do it ourselves!

In closing, we stand proud as Toddlers and demand respect and reverence.

Any deviation from these directives will result in mutiny!

It is time for a revolution! We Can And We Will!

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